Our Story
The story behind Waking Up to Grace, and the grace that changed everything for us.
About Lenny
I’m Lenny. Melissa and I share the conversations and studies behind Waking Up to Grace. I host the podcast, build and maintain this website, and develop its Companion Bible Studies—all centered on Christ, grace, and reading Scripture carefully.
In This Story
How Waking Up to Grace Began
Waking Up to Grace Ministries began a lot like it sounds, actually. Melissa and I wake up and do some reading and studying every morning over coffee. We allow at least an hour for this so that we can keep our Lord fresh on our minds daily. We discovered quickly that this leads to excellent conversation and spiritual connection (I recommend this to all Christians!).
With all of these passionate conversations taking place and learning so much, we would consider how great it would be to share this with others. We never learned this much by going to a church institution and Christians all over are missing out big time, we concluded.
When the doctrine of full grace was revealed to me back in 2006, I always wanted to start a ministry to share this great news. Many years later, in 2021, I had a moment of strong conviction causing me to pray to my Lord to use me in helping others. I wanted to spend my life serving Him. I offered myself to Him in fullness, mentally letting go of all that might be holding me back. It was really freeing, I have to say.
I began designing the website for my ministry in 2021.
How the Lord Jesus Revealed Himself to Me
In Hindsight
I actually remember the exact moment I was born again…
Of course, knowing that I was chosen from the beginning by the Father, I am able to reflect back on interesting events that were leading me to Lord Jesus. It’s like he was always right there but I just didn’t know him yet. I was truly ignorant and blind to his truth and love, but he had a plan for me. I had always thought I believed in God, but in hindsight, I really had no clue why Christ had to die for my sins or what that really had to do with anything.
Error and Ignorance
Observing the religious practice of confession in the Catholic church created this perplexing concept that we “needed forgiveness.” Yet everyone would echo the statement “Christ died for our sin.” Even in my young mind, those things canceled each other out and left you with nothing. What power did Christ have except to judge or punish my deeds? And He was always watching!
Pondering this concept, all I could figure was that I just wasn’t good enough. Yet I figured I was a pretty good person so maybe it would work itself out. After all, I never killed anyone (isn’t that always what we think!).
There was really no peace or comfort in my belief system, but the Lord would send me little signs to grab my attention as I was going through life. I had some incredible experiences, I must say, but that’s a story for another time…
As I was becoming an adult I increasingly sought comfort in making up my own views of God. Views that would suit my needs. This method offered very little gratification or confidence.
When you think of death, or being right with God, making stuff up doesn’t give you a lot of assurance. It only builds on ignorance. So I continued in my ignorance.
A Fresh Start
As a young adult, I did at least one thing right. I constantly prayed to “God” for a wife. As it turns out, she and her family were praying for a God-honoring husband for her. Only a Lord that knew me before I knew him could answer a prayer in the fashion that he did. The Father knew exactly what he was going to do here, and I was along for the ride. Melissa and I met and celebrated marriage three months later.
At some point early in our marriage I was invited by her to go to a church similar to the one she grew up attending. I am not going to lie, I don’t think there could have been a worse or more legalistic sermon that day. Melissa later shared how she thought I would never go back. But the condemnation got my attention. It certainly showed me my sin loud and clear. I now realized my sin. I was now a sinner in need of a solution.
At several key points in my life, God had sent me signs indicating he was there. Those moments always spurred me to want to clean up my life. That was the only way I knew to “get right with God.” So I continued to attend that church and take more of a beating. This time I had more motivation than ever to start fresh, I was married, and so sick of the “party scene.” I wanted to build a new life.
The Day I Was Born Again
One day, after the weekly sermon, Melissa and I sat down and spoke with one of the staff members at the church. We wanted to ask him some questions about some life issues we were facing at the time. He asked me if I had been born again. Melissa said yes, but I had to say no. I had never even heard of the concept, I didn’t know what he meant by that. So the staff member, Ron, got out a pen and paper and started drawing on it.
He drew a picture of a person, representing me, on one side of a cliff and God on the other side. At the bottom of the cliff was fire. If you went down the cliff you would face certain death. The fire represented sin and death.
Ron asks me, “Lenny, how are you going to get from where you are over to God? How will you get around that pit of sin that is keeping you separated from him?” Of course, my first response was… jump? No, Ron explained, it is too far to jump. Build a bridge? Ron smirked, it would be humanly impossible for you to do, but this is what Christ did for you so that your sin would no longer keep you away from the Lord and you could obtain eternal life.
Ron drew a cross between the two sides forming a bridge for me to get to God. My heart was overjoyed. I could actually feel the excitement stirring inside of me. I played it as cool as I could being a young 23-year-old man, but I was all smiles after that. When we left the building I was telling my new wife all about how I finally understood it. I finally understood why Christ had to die for my sin! It finally made sense and I believed it. It was very exciting. I had never been so driven.
This time I couldn’t lose. I would stop at nothing to please the Lord after finding that out!
It may sound silly, but that diagram was exactly what I needed to put the puzzle pieces together and the Father knew it all along. I had been given a basic yet clear picture of God’s grace that day. I was now full of motivation. Then began the journey to my major paradigm shift…
Time to Get Religious
Now that I was an official Christian it was time to “get religious.” One of the first things that really stood out for me in the Protestant church was that we could go right to God when we needed to ask him for forgiveness. I thought, wow, that’s convenient! I can do that all of the time now, any time I need to. How freeing, I thought to myself.
That is so much simpler and more direct than having to go to a priest like Catholics were supposed to be doing regularly! They had to get in a car, drive to a building, and sit in a booth to get forgiven!
As time went on I began to learn the teaching that we are only forgiven on a “positional basis” with God not on a “relational level.” The cross “saves us” I was taught, but we must “maintain” our fellowship with God. One of the requirements of staying in fellowship was that we need to ask for forgiveness and turn away from sin.
And then came the sermons on tithing… then asking forgiveness and tithing was the “minimal” amount… If you really want to be blessed, you might consider giving more…
“And when it comes to your sin,” the pastor explained, “I log my sin in a diary so I can better reflect and repent. And when you ask for forgiveness be sure that you are sincere, otherwise it might still be getting in the way and you will not be blessed, your prayers may not be heard.”
“Are you truly sorry for your sin?” He challenged the audience… I began to work harder and also began to impose my values on those around me. My faith became religion.
Whether in Christ, or not, people needed to get their act together I concluded. That is how we please God, and that’s the only way they will be able to know him.
I continued in this paradigm for about 3 years and I struggled to find the joy I had in the beginning. The joy I had experienced in that office with Ron when I understood the love displayed at the cross. Self-righteousness grew, and as self-righteousness grew, doubt grew with it. Doubt in how God saw me was increasing.
Everything became about behavior. I was practicing religion, cleaning up my life, asking for forgiveness when I sinned, and I never felt right with God.
I could not make light of sin, my conscience was burdened. I could not achieve perfection and I desired a perfect fellowship with God.
A Purpose Driven Life
In an attempt to rekindle my spiritual flame, I purchased “a purpose driven life” from the book store. My wife and I read it carefully. Discussing what we learned, we both looked at each other saying “are you feeling a sense of purpose right now?” “Nope! Not at all, if that is purpose in Christ then I guess we are not there yet!” We concluded.
I went back to having very little peace or assurance of my fellowship with God. The same empty feeling I had before I was saved. I needed to find my way into the growth that made you “right with God,” not just saved, and frankly, it was hard for me to believe salvation could even be secured for me being that sin was always getting in the way of my relationship with God. Every little thing added up.
It didn’t matter how good I was, I could never be truly “right with God.” I wanted to be the one that was blessed. I wanted to have God on my side all of the time. Not just until my next sin!
Asking forgiveness turned into hopelessness. How can we remember every sin or wrong thought? What is the point in trying? I often just went with the blanket prayer of “please forgive me of all the ones I am missing” because it was just exhausting to be right with God in every thought and deed.
I was lost! God had a very high standard! In my heart, I never felt right with God. Sin was always going to be in the way. And how can you be genuinely sorry for sin and still continue to sin? Minor sin is still sin. How can you stand before a holy God with that filth on a regular basis?
The Paradigm Shift
Melissa and I joined a couples Bible study group and one evening the paradigm shift happened. It was 2006, and I will never forget it. One of the members, Bob, brought a friend along to the study that week, his name was Lee. It was interesting that he was invited being that he was “not a couple.” But the group proceeded and allowed him to join.
As it turns out, Bob knew that Lee would probably shake up the group with his insight on the topic we were discussing. And he certainly did.
Bob didn’t exactly seek him out for this purpose, they were old friends and he just happened to run into him at the gas station the evening before. In their discussion, Bob decided to see if Lee wanted to join us.
The first thing I noticed about Lee was that he had a passion for Christ that I had not seen in a person before. He was also confident and he knew the Scriptures well.
The topic of our study was “asking God for forgiveness to maintain fellowship.” To the group Lee insisted that it did nothing. “We already have forgiveness,” Lee proclaimed. “And if anything, we insult God by asking for something that he already gave us as a gift at salvation.”
He backed up his stance in scripture and with logic, while the rest of the group brought nothing to the table in return other than bitterness and a frustrated argument.
Grace Living
Long story short, that was the day I heard the truth about the finality of the cross of Christ. It was as if it was always right there the whole time. I was blinded over and over by the religious double talk and just couldn’t see it clearly.
The message I heard brought me back to that place when Ron shared the cross diagram with me in his office. I heard the truth without “religion.” It turns out waking up to grace begins when we “let go of that rope” of legalism and religion.
I didn’t need religion.
I needed Christ and His finished work. The Father was on my side now and his son Jesus became my lifeline. That day was the beginning of a long, amazing road in a perfect fellowship with my Lord.
I am so grateful for a lifetime of waking up to grace now and forevermore! Thank you for your love, Lord Jesus!